Beauty

A friend of mine provided me with this link to the Situationist blog. Please read it! It describes how the "Dove" brand markets itself as caring about "real beauty", not "commercialised beauty" like the rest of the beauty industry, and how deeply hypocritical and misleading Dove's "Campaign for Real Beauty" is.

One of the minor points made by the blogger is how very beautiful the child in Dove's "beauty shouldn't matter" movie is. For some reason I found this small point particularly powerful. Even when Dove is trying to make a point about the media's portrayal of unrealistic ideals of beauty, it cannot bear to choose an ordinary-looking child to star in its ad. (Oops, not 'ad' - apparently it's a 'movie'.) No, it chooses a fairy-like auburn-haired clear-eyed little nymph. Because we all know that those are the little girls who are going to have their self-esteem torn to shreds by our society's emphasis on beauty.

I have little to add to the article I've linked you to, but there was one minor point which came up in the comments. (Yes, I admit I read the comments, even though some of them are clangingly stupid as always.) Tamara wrote,

"And why does beauty matter so much for women anyway that it should be a topic for our daughters?"

I loved this.

I do not deny that there is an evolutionary basis for beauty. The young, slim, big-breasted, regular-featured woman is more likely to be fertile than the old (postmenopausal), the fat (perhaps already pregnant), the flat-chested (pre-pubescent?), the irregular (damaged?).

Having said that, culture moderates the effect of evolution in our lives. (An obvious example: we do not think it is right to commit adultery despite the fact that biology plays a role in the urge to cheat.)

And so, clearly, we have a choice in how our culture approaches beauty. We can reinforce the evolutionary preference for the beautiful, or we can encourage each other to value people for more worthy reasons.

One of the things I loved about having young children was their unconsciousness of beauty. I recall that when they first encountered the concept of women being "pretty", they all interpreted it as meaning that she was dressed in fine clothes. My eldest was at least 7 when he still believed this. His appreciation of the people around him was as blind to their physical appearance as if he had been, well, blind.

This was one area in which I encouraged my children's blindness. For the first few years of their lives, beauty was not a topic. However, my children live in the real world, and they have inevitably encountered the idea that some people value beauty, and value people in accordance with their beauty.

It is one thing to counter these ideas with constant reassurance, but I remember well how little I cared for my own mother's oft-repeated words - both that I was beautiful, and that real beauty is on the inside. Sure, mum. Only thing is, you're my mum. You would say that.

What I like better is the idea that caring about one's appearance is simply boring. I hope that my daughter chooses not to spend money on cosmetics because she is saving up for her next tramping trip, or new soccer boots, or piano lessons, or costumes for her next drama production. I hope that she doesn't waste hours looking nervously in the mirror because she's busy gardening, or reading the newspaper, or composing a song. I hope that she doesn't wear high-heeled shoes because they're annoying to run in, and she doesn't wear make up because it smudges annoyingly when you dive into the ocean unexpectedly on a beautiful April morning. Which is also a good reason to own plain, tog-like underwear, rather than the lacy sort.

Hmmm, I think I'm describing myself. Maybe I've got this one sussed already. All I need is for my kids to care as little about so-called "beauty" as their parents do.

There is another sort of beauty that I do care for. It's a beauty that isn't about how you look at all. It's about kindness, love, and truth. And that's the sort of beauty that I seek in my life. But that's a whole 'nother post.